2 Weeks Down (almost)

I have now officially been a teacher for almost 2 weeks. I started last Monday, after they called at the last minute and asked if I could help with Summer School. I have tried to post on here since then, but for some reason my home computer won't cooperate (it's rather old and ornery). I apologize for the delay.

This job is MUCH different than I imagined it would be. I am not so much an assistant teacher as I am a co-teacher. Our pre-k class ranges in size from 10 to 16, depending on the day (these kids are terribly erratic in their school attendance). The majority of the time, the "head" teacher splits the group into two, giving me one and taking the other herself. We work with them and then swap. Twice so far, she has had to be gone from the room altogether to attend meetings, which means I have the children all to myself. According to her, this happens quite a bit during the school year, so if I remain with her class, I will be teaching alone regularly.

As you all know, I am a new teacher. I have a lot of experience with children, but I have never had any training in teaching, much less early-elementary inner-city teaching. My intention in accepting a job as a teacher's assistant/aide was to be in a situation in which I could observe an experienced teacher and learn from him or her. I have always been aware that it would be a tough job and would require a lot from me, but I never expected that I'd be left alone with 16 4 year olds on my 7th day of work and expected to not only maintain order but teach them something on top of that.

I have to admit, I have cried a couple of times. I have been so extremely overwhelmed by what they're asking me to do, knowing that I simply do not have the skill or experience to succeed. Yesterday was the worst day so far. I prepared a fun matching game for us to do as a group and sat them all down, but 4 minutes into the lesson and the kids just lost it. 2 literally ran circles around me. Most of the others were engaged in their own misbehavior.

My head teacher told me I am simply too nice. I do not feel that this is the case. I have been very stern with the children - to the point that I am uncomfortable with it. I entered this profession wanting to teach and nurture children, not spend all day hollering at them and putting them in time-out.

There is an up-side, though. The children are, to put it simply, absolutely precious. They are ADORABLE and funny as hell. They make me laugh and smile, and they are the most affectionate people I've ever met. Yesterday I felt miserable after my failed lesson and was walking the kids down to the lunchroom thinking "what have I gotten myself into?". We got in there, though, and a little girl named Tamiko came up to me, hugged me and looked up at me and asked if I would do her hair for her birthday. (don't ask me why she thought I can do hair. I wear mine pinned up every single day.) I noticed others in my class who would seek me out and want to sit close and hold my hand, for comfort in a room full of loud older children. And Demetrius & Malachi - the two most difficult children I have - both want to hold my hand and stand next to me all the time...even after I've put them in time-out.

So the job is incredibly hard (maybe impossible) and I am not impressing the other teachers and I am in general super stressed out, worried, and under-payed, but I do not question whether or not I should remain. It will be a tough year. I have no doubt, however, that I will learn a lot, and that these lessons will help me become the skilled teacher that I long to be.

I do ask for your prayers. Summer School is only 41/2 hours a day, and it is only 16 or so kids, and at the end of it I feel completely spent - emotionally, physically, mentally. The regular school year has 8 hour days, and the pre-k roster has 26 children on it. This scares me.

I also want you to pray for the children I am working with. Here is a list of the main players (there are 4-6 others that come and go), and some notes about them. It would be great if you could choose 1 or 2 to pray for.

Z. - never slows down. never walks, always jogs. Her eyes are so wide all the time they look like they're going to pop out of her head. She is really, really, cute, but a huge troublemaker. Seems to live in her own little world.

D. - very affectionate child, but gets upset easily. Oddly interested in girls for a 4 year old. Always needs to be told to sit farther apart from Lawan, because he's always pressed up right next to her. Very difficult to control.

B. - sweet, quiet, and well behaved (thank you Jesus)

T. - older than the rest (she's 6), and very smart. I have no idea why she's in this class and not kindergarten. She has a hard time controlling herself but is generally sweet. She CANNOT take losing. She breaks down if she doesn't win (reminds me of myself when I was a kid).

J. - precious boy, but I think he might have a developmental issue or something. Does not live in reality and acts much younger than he is. Very affectionate, and very kind to his friends.

I - along with Bianca, the golden child of the class. Very calm and well behaved. VERY behind in knowing letter sounds, but he tries hard. He and his 3 brothers are being raised by a single mom, and evidently all of the boys are as well behaved as Isaiah. That woman is amazing.

R. - cutie patootie. He thought my name was "Ms. Balls" for the first week. Very sweet, but has been caught hitting other children. Very nice parents (married), who are involved with the school and his education.

W. - roly-poly and cute. Generally good, but can get an attitude. REALLY likes chocolate milk...like, a lot.

A. - goodness me, Amari. She flirts with the boys and does completely inappropriate dances("backing it up", among others), along with other things that make me worry about what she thinks women should be like and what relationships between women and men are like. It breaks my heart to see a 4 year old girl do things like that. She is also very difficult to work with.

M. - seems very young and is the smallest of the group. Evidently, he's had a very, very difficult life (including being in a very abusive home). When he first started school a year ago, he was very violent with the teachers. He is not any more, but he is incredibly difficult. He has a very hard time following directions and then freaks out when you discipline him. Today, for no reason at all, he started crying at snack and didn't stop for 2 hours. He just wanted to sit by me and I rubbed his back when I could, trying to calm him down. Poor guy. Something is definitely up with him.

L. - sweet girl. Pretty well behaved. Would be perfect if she and Demetrius didn't get in trouble together.

J'Y. - Demetrius's cousin. I know I shouldn't say this, but she's probably my favorite (at least right now). It's not like she's really well behaved, but she's just so cute and funny. She's VERY quiet and shy - hardly ever speaks, but sometimes I'll look over at her and see her trying to catch my eye because she's done something that she's proud of, and she's just so precious.

J. - Good kid, but very sensitive. Breaks down if he doesn't get what he wants. Cries A LOT. Longest eyelashes I've ever seen.

C. - Funny kid. Obsessed with 2 things: Charlie & the Chocolate Factory & Michael Jackson. If you see him talking, chances are the conversation has to do with one of these. He dances like Michael (sort of), and has a really pronounced lisp that makes it hard to understand him. He's very smart and usually well behaved.